That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
