I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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