I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
