come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
