Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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