with your own penis?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
