So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
