the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
