Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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