Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
