god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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