I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
