Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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