so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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