we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
