I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
