We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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