we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
