my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize