...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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