and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
