Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.