I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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