you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs