listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
