i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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