do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
