He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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