I wish my penis had an off switch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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