he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
