ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
