I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
