He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize