Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
