remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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