i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
