I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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