I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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