Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
