I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
