I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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