Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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