normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
