it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
