Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
