Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
