My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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