He told me they were just razor bumps!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
