i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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