my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
