Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love having hate sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it