when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers