Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.