I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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