3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating