dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?