I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
