i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
