i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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