I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
