Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
