3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
