I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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