I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
