i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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