week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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