I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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