fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
