I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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