Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
