I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
